I'm Laughing on The INSIDE

I don't know why people feel the need to tap me on the shoulder　to ask a ridiculous question on a moving vehicle but I get the most weird comments/questions while I'm on the bus. Let me share just a few of the ones that made me chuckle inside. I've mentioned before that I usually have headphones on ( I can't live without my ipod!!) and a book in my hand...most of the time it's a textbook or something in English but I have been reading quite a few Japanese books this year (thanks オルウィン！)

So I was reading a Japanese book on the bus and the lady sitting next to me kept glancing over...she tapped me on the shoulder so I took off my headphones:
Lady: "Can I ask you something?"
Me: "Sure...go ahead"
Lady: "Did it take you long to get used to OUR way of writing?"
(she pointed to the fact, that I was reading vertically from right to left)
Me: "Um......it's been over ten years since I've actually read any novels in Japanese so I'm getting used to this again...and not all Japanese books are written vertically or from the right, it depends on what you're reading."
Lady: "Oh, really? But you can understand all the characters?"
Me: "Well, that's kind of required in order to read..."
Lady: "That's so amazing!!"
Me: (Why? Can't you read English?)"Uh...ok"
Lady: "I just think Asian characters are so beautiful"
Me: "I guess...but I think that depends on personal preference of cursive styles in whatever language."
Lady: "There's different styles of writing??"
Me: "Well, in Japanese at least, there's 3 and many pictorial languages look quite different from each other"
Lady: "Really? Oh, this is my stop, thank you sweetie"
Me: "Sure thing"

I got my hair done again while I was home for 3 weeks (my hair changes every few months) and I got a lighter color too. (It's summer, why can't I get highlights?)
Yesterday on the bus, an elderly lady tapped my shoulder from behind me.
Me: "Yes?"
Lady: "I just need to ask, why must you cut off your hair and dye it like that? I think Asian women have the most beautiful hair, why don't you leave it black?"
Me: "...Uh, well I'm half Swedish (I'm not, but I had to have some fun)and my natural hair color isn't black so I would have to dye it to make it dark"
Lady: "O'my gosh, I'm so sorry dear."
Me: "That my hair isn't black or that I'm mixed?"

She turned bright red and I turned back around...and I put my headphones back on and hummed along to some Bob Marley.

This one happened a while ago...and OK, he may have been hitting on me...worst pickup line ever from a guy sitting across the isle from me:

(motions to my headphones)
Dude: "What are you listening to?"
Me: "Black Eyed Peas before Fergie"
Dude: "Cool, they had an album before she joined?"
Me: (glaring)"Yea, they put out a few albums before she joined"
Dude: "Oh yea? So are you from around here?"
Me: "NO"
Dude: "Where are you from?"
Me: "Vancouver"
Dude: "Oh yea? Do you speak any other languages?"
Me: "Japanese"
Dude: "That's so cool...are you looking for an English tutor?"
Me: (making my badass face)"Do I fucking sound like I need help with English??"

I got up, switched seats and put my headphones back on...not if you were the last guy on Earth, buddy.


This was last semester,I was waiting for my transfer at the central bus station for the bus that goes to school...

Lady: "Excuse me"
Me: (unplugging ears) "Yes?"
Lady: "Are you Japanese?"
Me: "Um...yes"
Lady: "Oh great, can you tell me where I can get supplies for making sushi?"
Me: "Well...you can buy seaweed and stuff anywhere,but you might need to go to the Oriental Supermarket down the highway if you need sushi mix for rice"
Lady: "Don't I just use the sicky kind of rice?"
Me: (Trying HARD not to laugh in her face) "Um, sushi is vinegared rice so you need to add rice wine, Japanese vinegar and sugar but you can buy premade mix for that."
Lady: "No kidding? Where did you say I can find that?"
Me: "Just go down the highway in that direction, it's called the Oriental Supermarket and it'll be on your right."

She thanked me and went on her way, but I would like to take this time to remind the people of K-town, who enjoy eating out at one of the many Japanese restaurants in the city, the following:

1)Most of the sushi rolls we enjoy so much are not Japanese; California, BC, Alaska, Dynamite, so on.

2)Sushi means anything with vinegared rice, it doesn't only come in rolls.

3)People in Japan do not regularly make sushi at home, it is something we go out to eat, after we moved to D.mond, everyone kept asking us to bring sushi for potlucks so if you want the recipe, feel free to ask.

4)Most of the sushi restaurants in K-town are not run by Japanese people and most of the owners have never been there, don't ask them about Japan or to teach you Japanese.

5)Please, please do not approach random Asian looking people and ask them how to make sushi. Please.

6)The Oriental Supermarket sells a mess of different Asian products...and it is not representative of typical "Asian" markets (Yea...it wouldn't be called "Oriental", that's for sure). I have never seen a place that sells sushi and Vietnamese sandwiches together...I suggested the idea to a chef friend of mine who works at a Japanese restaurant; he laughed in my face.

7)Teriyaki sauce isn't actually that popular in Japan

8)Real Miso soup is made with miso paste and fish stock, it should not come in powder form.

9)There are many other dishes in Japanese cuisine besides sushi.

10)Lastly, if you see an Asian girl on the bus with white/blue headphones on, think HARD about what you were going to say to her before you make an ass out of yourself. She's a smartmouth; you may be the one to get burned.